The first time this came up for me was in the context of talking through our fantasies with my ex. She got really turned on by the idea of one night stand with two guys going down on each other, and in time, I got into it too. And this surprised me. We eventually tried it, and loved it, and did it some more. The reason it worked for me was that it was the means to an end, rather than the end in itself.
I'm fascinated by the treatment this gets in the media and porn industries. The world's full of FFM action where the girls play, but watch just about any MMF video and marvel at the efforts the guys make to avoid touching each other.
Does this reflect the fact that very few "straight" males are comfortable touching or being touched by another guy, and that it rarely happens in real life? Or is this a common scenario that that the industry avoids because it's collectively too immature in its sexuality to reflect real life
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Does the age really matter in swinging?
I am associated with a club (as in I go there and advise the new owners on the best swingers sites etc so they can attract to the club genuine swingers who want a "classy" club and not the dives we have all seen) as most people know and have established one rule - we do not believe that people around the age of 19-20 have not yet really examined their sexuality and needs sufficiently to decide that they are ready to entertain the swinging scene as a viable option. We prefer to judge people on how they act and converse.
A great example of this is often found in the chat room when some ignorant unformed young person pm's one and says "hi hunny, hung like a donkey wanna f**k?" We all know the response these pms get often get in the chat room and personally I believe that the individuals need to grow up and learn the manners which often come with maturity.
I would therefore suggest that our young author allows herself to grow up and learn how to behave. There is nothing wrong with older swingers at least they can satisfy a woman and/or the husband or partner. They have the experience to pleasure the person they are with rather than a wham bam and pi** off situ.
No disrespect to young personals but at your age you should be experimenting with different guys/girls whichever you are into and not even looking towards the swing club scene unless you are mature enough to accept that swinging has been around a lot longer than you ave and the people therefore in the club scene are often gonna be a fair bit older than you are. Cos suprise suprise love old age comes to us all but genuine swingers grow older disgracefully....
Well thats my motto .... flirt and be disgraceful you are only on this earth but a short time so you should enjoy what you can while you can.
A great example of this is often found in the chat room when some ignorant unformed young person pm's one and says "hi hunny, hung like a donkey wanna f**k?" We all know the response these pms get often get in the chat room and personally I believe that the individuals need to grow up and learn the manners which often come with maturity.
I would therefore suggest that our young author allows herself to grow up and learn how to behave. There is nothing wrong with older swingers at least they can satisfy a woman and/or the husband or partner. They have the experience to pleasure the person they are with rather than a wham bam and pi** off situ.
No disrespect to young personals but at your age you should be experimenting with different guys/girls whichever you are into and not even looking towards the swing club scene unless you are mature enough to accept that swinging has been around a lot longer than you ave and the people therefore in the club scene are often gonna be a fair bit older than you are. Cos suprise suprise love old age comes to us all but genuine swingers grow older disgracefully....
Well thats my motto .... flirt and be disgraceful you are only on this earth but a short time so you should enjoy what you can while you can.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
First swinging experience
Our first swinging experience, we came to the UK in 1997 on a 2 year working holiday from Zimbabwe, there isnt a swinging scene there so we were like reall green. We signed up on AOL and spent alot of time in the chatrooms where we got our first exposure to the scene. After a while we met a lady on line and she was great, her partner never really seemed to come online. One day she figured that we werent from UK and asked if she could call and chat as she loved the South African accent. I sent her our phone number but thought that we would never hear from her. At that point I still thought that the swinging scene was a joke and that no one really made contact, all talk you know what I mean. Anyway much to my amazement she colled 5 mins later and we chatted. She asked if we had ever been to Bristol and Bath, thats where they were. I said no and she said we should come spend the week end, she chatted to Mrs B for a bit and they made arrangements to go down the next week end.
Well the next week end we took the coach to Bath and her hubby collected us from the terminal. We got to the house and chatted and got to know each other a little better and then that night after the kids had gone to bed we sat with the lights turned down chatting and drinking wine. Next thing my mrs and our new friends were snogging and gropping and I sat there like an idiot still not getting the message. After a bit they moved over to me and started on me. I couldnt believe it, I was in heaven. We spent a few week ends together.
It was great but then we went back to Zim and by the time we came back circumstances had changed. We never had the chance to do it again as My mrs sort of fell out of the scene but recently she has started showing more interest so I am holding thumbs.
Well the next week end we took the coach to Bath and her hubby collected us from the terminal. We got to the house and chatted and got to know each other a little better and then that night after the kids had gone to bed we sat with the lights turned down chatting and drinking wine. Next thing my mrs and our new friends were snogging and gropping and I sat there like an idiot still not getting the message. After a bit they moved over to me and started on me. I couldnt believe it, I was in heaven. We spent a few week ends together.
It was great but then we went back to Zim and by the time we came back circumstances had changed. We never had the chance to do it again as My mrs sort of fell out of the scene but recently she has started showing more interest so I am holding thumbs.
Will swinging help or destroy the relationship?
I'm currently in a quite long term relationship, and in general things are pretty well, I'm happy with the girl I'm with we've both been faithful to each other, but it's started to niggle on my mind, that most other women I've been with are all so much better in bed, don't get me wrong my current isn't bad, but it's always very plain, this is really starting to get to me now, and I've found myself thinking about my ex('s) alot more whilst 'on the job'.
Will swinging help or destroy the relationship? If there is any hint of the latter then the obvious answer is not to enter into it in the first place. Does she know and agree to swinging 100% without any reservations regarding the potent ional harm if you find that someone else is more exciting sexually. Also have you both discussed the apparent shortcomings with regard to what is happening at present within the relationship? What do you both want out of the swinging scene? Is it something for you, for her, or both?
However, if the relationship is weak to begin with then how do you both think swinging will be beneficial? and I mean both not just you. Lastly are you prepared for the fact that due to the already thin thread holding the whole thing together how will you both react if this is the catalyst that unglues the relationship completely? Surely food for thought here.
I really think that couples who get the most fun from swinger dating community have a strong and healthy loving relationship to start with, it is this fundamental structure that enables them to handle the whole swinging scene. This is certainly the case with the couples I have met, they appear to be well balanced and emotionally healthy.
Will swinging help or destroy the relationship? If there is any hint of the latter then the obvious answer is not to enter into it in the first place. Does she know and agree to swinging 100% without any reservations regarding the potent ional harm if you find that someone else is more exciting sexually. Also have you both discussed the apparent shortcomings with regard to what is happening at present within the relationship? What do you both want out of the swinging scene? Is it something for you, for her, or both?
However, if the relationship is weak to begin with then how do you both think swinging will be beneficial? and I mean both not just you. Lastly are you prepared for the fact that due to the already thin thread holding the whole thing together how will you both react if this is the catalyst that unglues the relationship completely? Surely food for thought here.
I really think that couples who get the most fun from swinger dating community have a strong and healthy loving relationship to start with, it is this fundamental structure that enables them to handle the whole swinging scene. This is certainly the case with the couples I have met, they appear to be well balanced and emotionally healthy.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
This is how we started threesome
My wife suggested it first and i was a bit horrified, but if you're secure in your relationship and open about what turns you on etc. but in no way wanting to ruin what you have, then talk about it openly. The more we talked I realised it wasn't as bad as it seemed and I wasn't threatened (always keep something 'special' just for the two of you). After quite some time we gave it a go and haven't looked back. All the time though being honest with each other. If either didn't want to continue then no probs. At the same time, you need to take care in finding the right guy. She now leaves that up to me and you can soon tell who's genuine. we always agree to meet somewhere public first of all and never come back to our place - unless wereally get to know someone we can trust. Also, lay some ground rules down which you both agree with first and make it clear to who ever you meet.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
My Start Point in Swinging 2
When my wife and I first got into the scene - it was spurred by fantasies and "what if's".
We decided to check out a swingers club (Cupids), and went there for a while... we actually went there for about 2 years and only ever had sex with each other, before we tried it with anyone else...
we have been on the swinging scene for many many years now, and my wife still gets very nervous each and every time we do anything - but there is no pressure and we always have a good time.
we have just started to try out dogging (first time on monday), we have had plenty out outdoor fun before... but just dipping our toes into this new experience.
My best advice is - my wife finally decided to try it as she wanted to experience fun with another woman, find out your partners fantasies and ask her if she wants to try them out. Make sure that you stress no pressure and that things can be stopped at any time. Making her comfortable is the only way to start.
We decided to check out a swingers club (Cupids), and went there for a while... we actually went there for about 2 years and only ever had sex with each other, before we tried it with anyone else...
we have been on the swinging scene for many many years now, and my wife still gets very nervous each and every time we do anything - but there is no pressure and we always have a good time.
we have just started to try out dogging (first time on monday), we have had plenty out outdoor fun before... but just dipping our toes into this new experience.
My best advice is - my wife finally decided to try it as she wanted to experience fun with another woman, find out your partners fantasies and ask her if she wants to try them out. Make sure that you stress no pressure and that things can be stopped at any time. Making her comfortable is the only way to start.
My Start Point in Swinging
I'm sure I'm not alone in asking this question and I'm sure many of you have succesfully negotiated this little dillema. How can I convince my wife that swinging is the way ahead? I'm not going to write my life story on here, suffice to say that we're happily married and have been toying with the idea of visiting a swingers club or just getting a 'taste' of what its all about. I've shown her this site and to be fair she's quite impressed (and why wouldn't she be - it's a cracking place!).
So what's the big deal I hear you say? Well she's got cold feet over the last few weeks and I need to stir things up again. I won't pressure her by any means and most certainly won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. But how can I light that fire again, what's a good starting point?
I was absolutely petrified of even logging into a swinging site just incase someone could trace me. I knew perfectly well they couldn't but all reason flew out the window and to be honest I found any excuse to run to a safe place in my mind.
Over time I stepped closer and closer to the scene. All small steps and some backward ones too (infact quite a few backward steps). There were times when I felt wretched, guilty etc etc but I accept that it can sometimes be a bit of a rollercoaster ride.
We had great fun along the way and were always prepared to experience new things and say NO when we didn't want to go further. We respected each other, (still do) and we talked and talked and talked and talked.
We have had the time of our lives and I feel completely liberated.
So what's the big deal I hear you say? Well she's got cold feet over the last few weeks and I need to stir things up again. I won't pressure her by any means and most certainly won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. But how can I light that fire again, what's a good starting point?
I was absolutely petrified of even logging into a swinging site just incase someone could trace me. I knew perfectly well they couldn't but all reason flew out the window and to be honest I found any excuse to run to a safe place in my mind.
Over time I stepped closer and closer to the scene. All small steps and some backward ones too (infact quite a few backward steps). There were times when I felt wretched, guilty etc etc but I accept that it can sometimes be a bit of a rollercoaster ride.
We had great fun along the way and were always prepared to experience new things and say NO when we didn't want to go further. We respected each other, (still do) and we talked and talked and talked and talked.
We have had the time of our lives and I feel completely liberated.
How do I answer to all replies?
I have posted an ad and have received lots and lots of replies ... How do I reply to them all? I don't want to seem unfriendly and a timewaster but I have so many I have to reply to!
What I used to do when I had an ad was keep a couple of documents with pre-prepared 'no thank yous'. You can just copy, paste and send to them. I only used these for the people that sent either one line replies or the ones that obviously copied and pasted the same reply to every single ad on there. It was just a little polite note, not much detail and able to go to most of them.
Then you are left with the people that have made an effort with their reply. From my experience of ads, this will be less than half the original people that replied. I used to give them the same respect and answer individually. Either to explain why you don't think you would be suited with each other, or to find out more about each other etc
It's not as easy as it seems at first - out of the hundreds of replies I managed to feel comfortable enough with only a couple of people.
Then once you have cleared your backlog, you can either meet up with anyone that is a good match or put your ad back up again for a few days.
Hope this helps a bit. Good luck and hope you find what you're looking for.
Oh, and another way to get to know people without the same sort of pressure is through these forums ..... It's an excellent way to see peoples characters and for them to see yours - so by the time you meet, you will be pretty secure in the fact that you will get on well.
What I used to do when I had an ad was keep a couple of documents with pre-prepared 'no thank yous'. You can just copy, paste and send to them. I only used these for the people that sent either one line replies or the ones that obviously copied and pasted the same reply to every single ad on there. It was just a little polite note, not much detail and able to go to most of them.
Then you are left with the people that have made an effort with their reply. From my experience of ads, this will be less than half the original people that replied. I used to give them the same respect and answer individually. Either to explain why you don't think you would be suited with each other, or to find out more about each other etc
It's not as easy as it seems at first - out of the hundreds of replies I managed to feel comfortable enough with only a couple of people.
Then once you have cleared your backlog, you can either meet up with anyone that is a good match or put your ad back up again for a few days.
Hope this helps a bit. Good luck and hope you find what you're looking for.
Oh, and another way to get to know people without the same sort of pressure is through these forums ..... It's an excellent way to see peoples characters and for them to see yours - so by the time you meet, you will be pretty secure in the fact that you will get on well.
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